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If this reminds you of your romantic relationship—a constant game of “catch-me-if-you-can”—then you may be involved with someone who suffers from commitment phobia. Whether you’re hiding in the holes or holding the hammer wishing your partner would just stand still for a second, this article is for you.

Here are four things you need to know: Commitment phobia is often misdiagnosed.

Therefore, they may unconsciously prefer unrequited love to the vulnerable, soul-stretching work of emotional intimacy.

Once I fell hard for an emotionally unavailable younger man who’d just left a live-in relationship with a woman he couldn’t commit to.

It was an obvious red flag that I blatantly disregarded. Mostly because I was insanely attracted to him and craved physical contact.

Like many women, once we started making love, I bonded quickly.

Moving a relationship from the “just dating” phase to the next level can feel like a round of “Whack-a-mole.” That’s a popular arcade game in which the player stands in front of a machine with a flat top the size of a small kitchen table.

How can you tell if your partner has commitment-phobia?First, for commitment-phobes, it can feel safer to keep a distance, especially if they’ve been hurt, betrayed or suffered a great loss.Also, they may resist commitment if they’ve had an abusive, critical or controlling parent who invaded their boundaries or smothered them.As the light, casual conversations start to move into deeper, heavier topics, all of a sudden you’re discussing joint holidays and meeting each other’s parents. People who have commitment issues generally have a serious problem in staying in a relationship for the long-term.Just as the excitement grows, your date starts to pull away, becomes distant and unavailable and next thing you know, they’ve done a Phantom and you’re out in the cold. While they still experience love like anyone else, the feelings can be more intense and scary than they are for most people.

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